Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Princess and the Pea

After sleeping on what has got to be the hardest mattress in the world, for over a year and a half now, I had to put my foot down.

There are two things in this world I can't live without... good food, and proper sleep.

I must be fed every three hours. Once my blood sugar gets too low I can't be held responsible for what I might say or do. It's a genetic thing... I'm sure of it... my family is the same way. At restaurants one might hear rude remarks aimed at sluggish waitresses, but that is nothing compared to the riots and wars that have occurred prior to family dinners in the privacy of one's home.

Moral of the story?

Feed me, and nobody gets hurt.

Secondly, without proper rest I cannot function. Lack of sleep cuts my productivity in half, and just when we thought it couldn't get any lower... shocking, I know.

When we first got here, and I complained about the mattress, Lee scoffed at me claiming I was like the Princess and The Pea.

I rolled my eyes.

I should have reminded him that in the end of that fairy tale the Prince rejoices to have found a true princess with such sensitivity. After which, he probably removed the pea, or went out and got her a new frickin' bed!

It wasn't until recently, when I was awake for two weeks straight from jet lag, that I noticed how poorly Lee sleeps; tossing and turning all night long. It was this new bit of information that helped him see the light. Not to mention the fact that we could now make out two distinct body imprints on either side of the mattress. Finally, he relented.

We went to the home store at the mall, where we were followed around by a gaggle of employees. Each time we sat on a different mattress there were giggles before all 10 of them followed us to the next one. (And no, 10 is not an exaggeration. There were at least 10.)

After we made our selection we learned that a same day delivery was impossible and we would have to wait until next week.

This was not acceptable... but seeing as how it was an impossible task for The Green Machine... there was only one other option.

The princess got her way, and she slept happily ever after.

Monday, September 13, 2010

No Cause for Alarm

It's official.

I have completely adjusted to this place.

Things here are starting to feel normal...

For example, last weekend I was in Manila, eating at a nice Italian restaurant, (nice, as in white table cloths, and too many pieces of silverware kind of nice,) when I noticed an ant in my salad.

Normally, this would be cause for alarm. Bugs crawling around in your food? Gross right.

However, that wasn't really my thought process...


Me: Is that an ant? Yep. That is an ant. He's red. I don't think I've seen red ants in the Philippines. He's really red. Like fire ant red. Eww... I don't miss fire ants at all. I wonder what kind of ant this is. I've definitely only seen black ants in the Philippines. Is he alive? Hmmm... (poke with fork.) Yep. He's alive. Probably not for long though... I wonder how long ants can survive in a pool of olive oil? Not long... I think he's dying.

Waitress: Oh! There is an ant in your food!!

Me: Huh? Oh, yeah.

I didn't even realize she had come up behind me and was staring at me in horror as I was playing with the ant drowning in salad dressing.

At this point she whisked the salad away to the kitchen, where I'm sure they just picked the ant out and gave it back to her. Which is exactly what I would have done had she not taken it away.

It was one ant. I deal with many more than that everyday.

I share a front yard, a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom with ants... it really wouldn't make a difference if I also shared a plate.

It's taken me 17 months, but I've finally given up on the war against ants.

And I've learned that one ant in my food won't kill me.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Tis' the Season...?

Walking through the hardware store today, I suddenly became very aware of the music that was playing...

"Tis' the season to be jolly... fa...la...la la la...la...la la la!"

My initial reaction?

"You've got to be frickin' kidding me..."

Then I looked at my phone...


September 1st.

Well, that makes sense then... they are right on time.

September 1st through January 1st... "tis' the season."

And it has to be the longest holiday season in the world.

Where can you celebrate Christmas for 4 months out of the year?

Only in the Philippines...