Tuesday, July 13, 2010

6 Weeks in the South of France

After a week in France I have finally emerged from the fog, and now deemed myself capable of putting words into sentences for a blog entry. Jet-lag really takes a toll on me, that... or my body will use any excuse for a good nap.

It’s the rainy season in the Philippines and Lee is working constantly so I thought it the perfect opportunity to come stay with my Aunt D in the south of France.

I’m not sure I’ll have as many “misadventures” in a place as lovely as this, but if nothing else I can brag to you about my fabulous life in St. Tropez.

My flight over was pretty uneventful, (which is always good on 14 hour flights) and I’ve come to accept the fact that I will always have complaints about whom I sit by on the airplane.

I, of course, am the perfect traveling companion. I keep all my bodies parts in the space provided, I do not hog the arm rest, and I do not blare the music in my headphones so loudly that people next to me are forced to rock out to my tunes.

I like the window seat, so I will not be sleeping on you, and/or drooling on your shoulder. I very rarely snore, and I only ask you to move so I can go to the restroom if I really have to go.

Also, I won’t talk to you. I’ll mind my own damn business and not ask you questions about where you’re going or what you do. Frankly, I don’t care. And I’m deathly afraid that once I start the conversation you won’t stop and then I’ll be stuck pretending to be interested in you for the next 13 hours when all I want to do is sleep. So I say nothing.

Why can’t there be more people like me?

I’m going to start a match.com for frequent flyers. Everyone has a profile, and you can pick who you do and don’t want to sit next to based on several qualities. Be it business related, you could sit by those in similar industries, it could be a fantastic networking opportunity. Or if you’re going on vacation, you want to meet other people going to your same destination with similar interests. Or perhaps you just don’t want to get stuck next to the guy who farts or the crying baby.

(No flight of mine is complete without a crying baby. There was one on each of my two flights. The second flight was the worst, because the biggest baby I’ve ever seen was sitting right in front of me, leaning over the back of his mom’s seat and screaming in my face for about an hour. I have never stared at someone’s tonsils for so long...)

There will be a short questionnaire that asks important travel questions such as…

Do you smack your food loudly when you chew or do you have other disgusting eating habits?

Do you laugh obnoxiously at movies only you can hear and disturb others?

Do you wear your shirt unbuttoned so your robust belly hangs out?

Do you wear your pants so low you expose half of your hairy bum to all those in a 5 foot radius?

Do you behave like a child, even though you’ve got to be somewhere around 40?

Seemingly random questions, yet the man who sat next to me, Baby Huey, would have answered “yes” to them all.

I had actually seen him while everyone was boarding the plane. He cut in front of about 50 people, and ran/waddled to the front of the line. I immediately thought… “wow, that guy is an ass. Sucks for whoever has to sit next to him…”

Then I found my seat…

Well, shit.

***

Luckily, I have 5 more weeks before I have to deal with this problem again...