Monday, March 15, 2010

Bowing to the Porcelain God

I'm sick.

Food poisoning? Most likely...

(Which by the way... I've been Web-Md-in-it all morning... did you know there are all types of food poisoning, and each one sounds scarier than the last. "Giardiasis"... "Shigellosis"... "Campylobacteriosis"... all of which sound like sudden death if you ask me.)

What's the worst thing about food poisoning?

Getting sick... Obviously.

As in tossing your cookies, calling "ralph" on the big white phone, or my personal favorite... bowing down to the porcelain God.

What's worse than that?

Knowing it's coming... while you're in public.

And the only thing worse than yacking in a public bathroom...?

Yacking in a public bathroom in the Philippines.

Midway through the movie Valentine's Day I started feeling really ill. At first, I thought it was the just bad acting... but it soon became apparent it was much more than that.

When it comes to throwing up... I'm a fighter. I hate it more than anything, and I will do anything I can to keep it from happening.

But when someone passed a bag of popcorn in front of my face... it was eminent. And I made a mad dash to the restroom.


I searched for the hair band, which is usually a permanent fixture on my wrist... damn. Not there. It would appear this adventure would be more difficult than expected.

With one hand I held back my hair, trying to balance while hunched over the toilet, and careful not to touch a thing; when out of the bathroom drain crawls a huge cockroach.

Barf.

Literally.

He runs right for me, like he knew this would be the best opportunity for an attack. Damn bugs. They always find me.

So, now I'm trying to crush a cockroach with one foot, while holding my hair, balancing on the other foot, not touching anything, all the while trying to maintain my perfect aim. Can I multi-task or what?

I am happy to report that I did in fact make it out of there with puke free hair, and no further illnesses... well, that I'm aware of anyway.

Yes, I made it out of there alive... the cockroach however, wasn't so lucky.

I have many more stories to share... most of which are not quite so graphic... I promise. I'll get back to writing when I start feeling a little better :)