Sunday, February 28, 2010

Keepin' It Classy


Packing to go out of town for a wedding...

Me: So, you're wearing your suit to the wedding... what are you wearing to the rehearsal dinner?

Lee: I don't know... jeans and a t-shirt?

Me: No.

Lee: Yes.

Me: Lee, it's a rehearsal dinner, you have to dress up.

Lee: Ok... then I will wear jeans and a tuxedo t-shirt.

Me: Ok, now you're being ridiculous.

Lee: No. I think that sounds awesome.

Me: Yeah... very classy.

***

Three weeks later... my 14-year-old brother had a semi-formal dance at school. Two days before the dance, my mom finds out about it.

Mom: When were you planning on telling me you had a dance on Friday?

Brother: Oh, I have a dance on Friday.

Mom: Well, I'm glad I found out about it. We need to go get you a suit.

Brother: I'm not wearing a suit.

Mom: What are you going to wear?

Brother: I'm just going to wear jeans... and maybe one of those tuxedo t-shirts! That would be awesome.

Mom: You're not wearing that. Try and have a little bit of class...

***

I don't know which is scarier... my husband having the fashion sense of a 14-year-old, or that I really am becoming my mother.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Land of the Unknown


My little sister is about to pop.

Sorry, that's confusing... I'll back up.

My sister is having a baby and she is due any day.

Seriously... she may burst at any moment.

Lee and I wanted to get her something, and we decided on a stroller. So we ventured into the land of the unknown. Terrifying.

Lee: So... Babies R Us, huh? Sounds scary.

Me: You have no idea...

***

We made our way past the diapers... and the car seats... and the formula.

Lee: What is that...??

Me: I think it's baby formula.

Lee: Looks like paint. Would you really feed a baby something out of a paint can?

***

Eventually, we found the strollers... and really we should have brought a professional parent along to tell us what to do. Instead, we spent an hour and half weighing the pros and cons of each stroller.

She registered for this one but I don't know... Do you think she'll like the jogger? The jogger rocks, but the wheel doesn't turn, so according to that man with a name tag, it's not good for walking... She's not much a jogger now... but she said she wants to start... but who are we kidding??? I mean... I know her too well, we should just get the other one. But then there is this one, you can lock the wheel so it's good for walking and jogging, but this latch could break and then that could be bad. We should get this one!! It has real rubber wheels, but what if the stroller gets a flat tire... that would totally suck. Those people just got that one... and she's holding a baby... maybe they know. But, this one has speakers and a place to hook in your iPod... although, this one is orange and I like orange better than blue... O-M-G!!

Me: I like this one... but it's so big. I don't know if it will fit in the back of her car. Let's get it down and see what it looks like folded up.

Lee: Ok. Well... I ... I don't know how this thing works.

Me: Well, I'm sure there's a handle or a latch or something.

Lee: Yeah, I'm trying... I don't know...

Me: Aren't you supposed to be an engineer?

Lee: *glare*

Ten minutes later we finally figured out how it worked... our lack of parental knowledge was obvious.

We ended up leaving the store empty handed and more confused than ever. Two hours in "baby land" was way more than either of us could handle.

Lee: You know... if we have a baby, I'm definitely going to need a jogging specific stroller... that baby is going to think I'm Forrest Gump! ...And not because I'm stupid.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Only in America...


Since I started the "Only in the Philippines," posts, which consist of things like home-made license plates and name calling nail ladies. I decided it would only be fair to start an "Only in America," line of posts to which I could write about things like candy pooping reindeer.

Candy pooping reindeer you ask?

Yes. A reindeer. Which does in fact... defecate candy. Yum!

A Christmas present from my 14-year-old brother.



The candy dispenser came with green and red jelly beans. But let's be serious... that's just not realistic.

I decided to make it bit more authentic... I opted for mini chocolate chips.



Can't see video? Click here.

Obviously, the chocolate chips didn't agree with him. I mean... look at that face.

Note: The Trans-Siberian Orchestra music was inserted after filming. The original background noise was a very embarrassing conversation about constipation. Reindeer constipation... obviously.

Anyway... Merry Christmas! Here is a candy pooping reindeer...

Only in America.

Actually, I just looked at his belly and he was definitely made in China. So only in America and China... my bad.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Love Bites


Lee & I at Macy's...

Me: Look at this shirt... "Love Bites." It will be my Valentine's Day shirt!! Get it...? "Love Bites"?And... there are vampire teeth!

Lee: Yeah... no, I get it... How many thirteen-year-olds did you have to fight off to get that?

Me: *glare*

Happy Valentine's Day!!



(Awesome. Right?!)

They'll Know We're Americans


Before we left the Philippines, Lee and I went shopping for Filipino souvenirs to bring back to the states.

Me: Hey! We should get this walking stick for your Mom, she would love it!

Lee: Do you think it will fit in our suitcase?

Me: Eh. Maybe.


We bought it. It didn't fit in our suitcase. Which we didn't realize until the night before our flight.

Lee: I'll just carry it on.

Me: You can't carry on stick. It could used as a weapon.

Lee: Yes I can. I'll use it as cane. People have canes all the time.

Me: Not canes that look like that. Who do you think you are, Moses?

Lee: I'll limp... like this.

Me: No one is going to believe that... you are 24 years-old.

It took me going to Delta.com to prove to him that sticks and other club like objects are not allowed on planes.

Which means we had to check it. And we didn't have a box. Which means we had to improvise.



Lee: Wow. Do you think they'll know we're Americans? I mean seriously, granola bars, Easy Mac, Cheerios...

Me: Ha! Yeah... But we're putting a trash bag over it... so really they'll never know.

Lee: No way! It's not funny if we put it in a trash bag.

Me: There is no way I'm walking through the airport holding that... we're using a trash bag.



This was not much better. I mean, really. There could be anything in there... guns... a small child.

Surprisingly, we weren't really questioned about it...

Airline Guy: What's in there?

Lee: A cane.

Airline Guy: Is it in a box?

Lee: Ha! Yeah...

And that was it.

Amazingly enough they didn't look through it, because the bag hadn't been opened when we picked up our luggage. I guess they figure no one is dumb enough to wrap something illegal in a trash bag... it's way too suspicious.



Friday, February 5, 2010

Updated: MAC Down

I am amid a crisis.


Please read the following email I sent to Lee...


***



Subject: God Help MAC


MAC is sick.


He has been sent away to Apple hospital, recovery will be at least a week.


The prognosis doesn't look good.


I feel slightly panicky...


Full blown hysteria is imminent.


Keely

***


My computer is gone. And anyone who knows me, knows that I would have rather given Apple my left arm than my computer. I have been wandering aimlessly for the past 48 hours...


To make matters worse, my computer held all recently written blog entries that have yet to be published, along with the coinciding pictures and video. Not to mention the brand new header, which I spent hours making, for all entries about my state side adventures.


When the screen went black, I thought... "no big deal, at least I'm in the states... I'll just go down to the Apple store and have one of their "geniuses" fix it. Easy."


Mac "Genius" : Hmmm... ahhh. Uh oh.


Me: (Watching him nervously... growing more and more anxious by the second... He's got to be screwin' with me right? I mean, he is a "genius" it's his job. Press some buttons... work your magic... DO YOUR JOB!)


Mac "Genius" : Yeah... We're gonna need to send your computer off, and we can't guarantee all your information will still be there when your computer gets back. Do you have all your information backed up?


&*$%!


No...


And I just bought a new hard drive for this very reason. What have I put on it so far??


Season 1-6 of Friends... because that's far more important than anything I've been working on for the last year. Idiot.


I'm still waiting for the nausea to subside.


New posts coming soon... Hopefully.


***

Update:


Mac is back and I'm happy to say he made a full recovery!


Me: I got my computer back!!! And-it's-perfect-and-they-even-fixed-that-part-that-was-bent-from-when-I-dropped-it-that-one-time-and-the-best-part-is-that-they-did-it-for-free!!!-You-can't-say-anything-bad-about-Apple-ever-again!!!! *breathe*

Lee: That's great! I guess Apple did something good after all.


(I'm a Mac... Lee's a PC. And he always tries to say hateful things about Apple or Mac computers, and after many debates the only thing he can fall back on is the whole 'there's no right click,' issue. And really he can't even do that anymore, because now they have it. So ha! Plus... he has an iPhone... which is really just hypocritical.)


Me: Yeah, I thought about telling you that is was ruined and that I needed a brand new $2000 computer, just to see how you'd react. You know, to see how much you loved me.

Lee: Ha! Well, I know how you are about your computer... and really it's hard to put a price on my sanity.

Me: True.