Monday, January 11, 2010

The Saga...

So, I read the Twilight Saga...

I loved it...

and I am not ashamed.

So there... I have gone public with my obsession against the wishes of a "wise" friend.

(Obviously, his words... not mine.)

***

Twilight is not typically a book I would pick up, after all, it is a book written for teens... but I kept hearing about it from everyone... and the second movie had just come out... and what else do I have to do except read four, four inch books?

So if you have tried to call me in the last month and you got the machine... now you know why...

I started cataloguing my new obsession here... and FYI... if you haven't read the books and you plan on reading them, skip this post because there are major spoilers :)

Twilight:

December 10, 2009-

Facebook Status: started reading Twilight... 3 chapters in and I'm already wishing Lee was a vampire.

I think Lee both loved and hated the Twilight disease... he loved it because I didn't bother him when he got home from work. Usually it goes...

Mr. Bigg howls... Lee opens door...

Me: Hey! How was your day?

Lee: Blah Blah Blah

Me: Sweet. What do you want to do now? Talk to me! Entertain me! I've been here all day!

Annoying? Probably.

During Twilight...

Mr. Bigg howls... Lee opens door...

Me: Hey! How was your day?

Lee: Blah Blah Blah

Me: Sweet.

Lee: Ok, well... I'm going to go upstairs and play football.

Me: Sounds great! I'll be in the bathtub with my vampire!

Lee: *weird look*

He hated it because I felt it necessary to keep him up to date with the latest news from Forks... and as soon as I was finished with book one I made him watch the movie. Which might not have been so bad if I didn't pause it every five minutes to tell him how it really happened.

*pause movie*

Me: Hey! Are you paying attention? This part is important.

Lee: Yeah... (working on his computer... not paying attention.)

*play movie*

*pause movie*

Me: Ugh! Edward is way cuter than that... they made him look weird! Doesn't he look weird?

Lee: Mmmm...hmmm...

*play movie*

*pause movie*

Me: Ok... that conversation they just had was really like four or five conversations, but they just rolled into one... which is stupid because now its like... hey, you're in my class, you freaked out, you saved my life, I love you, oh you're a vampire...? No big deal. This movie sucks!

Lee: Mmmm....hmmm...

*play movie*

*pause movie*

Me: Do you even understand what's going on... they totally butchered this! What really happened was...

Lee: Would you just play the movie?

Me: Ok... but you just don't even know how much they skipped.

Lee: It's a movie. It can't be six hours long...

Me: Whatever...

*play movie*

***



(Hilarious)

***

New Moon-

I was walking through the mall when I round the corner and see Edward on the New Moon movie poster...

Me: Asshole.

Random guy turns around...

Oops.

I just smile...

Because what am I going to say... "oh not you... You see, Edward left Bella. He told her he doesn't love her any more... I mean, we all know he really does, he is just doing it for her safety... because well, he is a vampire and all... but he should know better. The other vampires are just going to come after her, and she is miserable without him... soo... Edward is the asshole not you... Yes. Yes, I was talking to a movie poster. Yes. Yes, I might be insane."

***

Lee: I talked to my mom today... I told her you were reading Twilight... she read it too.

Me: She did! Did you ask her if she ever wished that your dad was a vampire?!

Lee: No. No, I forgot to ask that...

Me: You should ask her.

Lee: No. No, I don't think I will.

***

Eclipse-

I'm laying on the bed reading... (The usual)

Lee jumps on the bed...

Lee: I waanntt to suuck your blooood!

Me: Ha! Real vampires don't say that.

Lee: Oh, God. Real vampires...? Vampires were around way before Twilight.

Me: Well, of course. But most of those things about vampires are myths... like crosses... or garlic... or how you have to invite them in... myths.

Lee: Really? No crosses or garlic... that sucks.

Me: I know.

***

Me: Oh no!

Lee: What?

Me: Well, Edward and Bella are getting married, because Edward says they have to before he'll turn her into a vampire and before they can have sex... Well, he sent a wedding invitation to Jacob... you remember Jacob...?

Lee: uh huh...

Me: ...Bella's hot werewolf best friend... who loves her, and she loves him... but not as much as she loves Edward. So she picked Edward... like she should have, because she can't live without him and they are getting married....?? Anyway, Edward sent him a wedding invitation, that said something about how he was breaking the rules by sending it to him, because Bella didn't want Jacob to feel obligated to go, but if Bella would have picked Jacob then Edward would have wanted the option... so now... Jacob is really upset... and he turned into wolf and he is roaming the forest and says he never wants to go back to being a human!!! (All said in one breath...)

Lee: You are hearing yourself right?

Me: Yeah... it does sound sorta stupid when I say it out loud... but really it's not.

***

Breaking Dawn:

December 29, 2009

Me: Text - "Holy Guacamole! Bella is pregnant with a vampire baby!"

Lee: Text - "Nerd."

Me: Text - ":)"

***

Lee: So, when we go back to the states we have a five our lay over in Seattle. But there is an earlier flight, so I'm hoping we can get on that one instead.

Me: Five hours huh? Well, maybe we could just drive over to Forks and see what Bella and Edward are up to!

Lee: *stares*

Me: ha. ha. Of course, I'm just kidding!

(Not really... If anyone wants to pick me up and take me to Forks, I get to Seattle at noon on January 15th...)
***
Three weeks and three days after starting the saga I finished it...

Me: Well, I finished Twilight today... (Depressed.)

Lee: Wow. How was it?

Me: Amazing. Happily ever after and all that.

Lee: Now what are you going to do?

Me: I have no idea...

I'm open to suggestions.