Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Japanese Conspiracy

Like I said in the last post, I went back to the states for a few weeks.

Normally, I would have done something obnoxious like start a countdown of the weeks, then the days and then the hours until I was kissing the ground at Dallas/Ft. Worth International Airport, but I was surprising two of my best friends. And since they are two of the three people that read my blog, I kept my mouth shut. Which is a really a miracle in itself.

On my way to the states I had a 5-hour lay-over in Japan, which was really quite torturous since I couldn't catalog my every move via Facebook, Twitter or TUH because of my covert operation.

So I wrote the following in the airport...


The Japanese are conspiring against us. I'm sorry, but it's true.

First of all, what's up with those funny letters? Nobody understands that business... I find myself staring at airport signs thinking that if I look long enough, maybe I can decipher the code. Think about it... they did this on purpose.

And that whole bowing bit? It turns into a series of bows that just becomes awkward. They bow, I bow, they bow, I bow, they bow, I bow... it never ends... and it makes me look stupid. Their plan, I'm sure.

Now, if things weren't bad already... get this.... They all decided to wear masks now. I can literally feel the symptoms of H1N1 taking over my body right now... just by looking at them.
They are weakening my defenses.

Also, look what I found in the bathroom...

Yes. That is a toilet
Yes. It's a hole... in the ground.
Yes. I took a picture in a public bathroom.
And no, I don't know how to use it either.

Those things should really come with an instructional video...

The upside to the Japanese bathrooms? They have super powered hand dryers, made by who else? But Mitsubishi! Awesome. I've been hanging out in the bathroom for a large part of my layover... which kind of makes me sound creepy and weird... or it's all part of the plan to keep us distracted.

To make things even worse... it took me about 30 minutes to find food. If you know me, you know what happens when I get hungry... it's not a pretty picture. All the signs and directories pointed me to shopping and smoking areas.

So basically, they want to take our money and/or give us lung cancer... They hid the restaurants behind, "Narita 5th Avenue." I had to wade through Chanel, Gucci, and Burberry to find food. They obviously know my weaknesses... well played Japan, well played.

I should have been more prepared when coming to Japan, that is for sure. I didn't learn any Japanese... I am only here for 5 hours... but I should have at least learned, "Thank You," or "Excuse Me," or something polite, even if they are conspiring against us. I blame it on my "arrogant americanism," but it's not my fault it's in my blood.

On the upside, not knowing Japanese led to some awesome conversations in the restaurant which included me speaking English, the waitress speaking Japanese, pointing, sign language and bowing. Most incredible.

Also, what the heck is a Yen? I mean I know what it is, but I need to know the value in relation to an American dollar, or a Filipino piso.... even a Euro.

Lunch = 2000 Y

My expert math skills... a.k.a... punching randomness into my phone says, that equals $176 USD.

Now that can't be right... I'm either deliriously tired... or a little bit drunk... probably both. If that's the case my spicy shrimp bowl, glass of wine and an orange is way over priced. Japan is expensive.

This only heightens my suspicions....


P.S. - After much needed rest, and a bit more sobriety I figured out my lunch cost about $24 USD... I think.

P.P.S. - Happy Thanksgiving from the Philippines!!