Thursday, October 29, 2009

What to Expect at Coco Beach

Last week Lee, Hassan and I headed to Coco Beach, one of my favorite places to go in the Philippines. After we climbed the 226 steps to our room I realized, 1.) how out of shape I am, and 2.) maybe next time I'll stay a little closer to the bottom.

As we sat on the balcony sweating and out of breath Lee read through the Coco Beach informational booklet.

"Coco Beach has upgraded and improved a lot of its amenities but being an island, many things you might expect to be there are not that easily available at all times.

Sometimes our generator or our water pumps suddenly stops and the spare-parts are delayed because the machine shop is closed for the town fiesta... or our kitchen is running out of some fruits and vegetables because our supplier just forgot us with all the preparation for her grandchild's baptism or the fisherman just did not want to fish the night before."

The woman just forgot about her job... and the fisherman just didn't want to do his? And that flies?
I can't really say I'm that surprised. Our repairman didn't come to my house one day because he was hung over from the night before.
Where I come from, if you have to work the next day, you don't go out and get bombed the night before... and if you do...
you suck it up and go to work the next day... and if you can't...
you lie and say you have the flu.
Never admit to a hang over.

"At Coco Beach we have two 220 volt big generators... but sometimes they get grouchy and uncooperative - if we over use them!!!

Regrettably, we cannot permit the use of hair dryers, flat irons or any electrical device which consumes much power."

Yes, "grouchy" generators can be a problem"!!!" But the no hair dryer or flat iron thing doesn't bother me... I think it's great. I hate those girls that "get ready" to go the beach. Infuriating...

"Each room has a small safe deposit box installed. Too bad if you lose the keys, you have to pay five hundred pesos."

Yep... too bad...

"We are please to inform you that we accept the following credit cards:
Diner's Club
American Express
(BUT, we absolutely prefer cash - or even personal checks from regular guests.)

I absolutely love that part.

"Please extinguish cigars and cigarettes properly and very carefully...Be careful not to smoke when sleepy!...We sometimes have a fire drill. If a real fire occurs, go immediately to the beach (only strong men are allowed to help.)"

Ha. Don't even get me started on this...

"Topless? ...we can be flexible about that, but not at the pool side or the beach right in front..."

They can be flexible huh? "Yeah, you. You're alright, you can take your top off... but you? No, not you, that's gross... we're not that flexible."

"Some guests have the attitude of throwing the towels on the floor after use in the night! This is a bad habit - please do not do it here - maybe we have no more clean ones for you next day..."

I love it when resorts inform guests of their bad habits...

"Everyday, one of our cooks in full uniform will be there to make your fresh omelettes from the chicken who had to wake up early to lay those eggs."

So, the chicken will get up early to lay eggs, but the fisherman may not feel like fishing the night before... interesting...

"Information contained in this booklet may change or just be wrong...SORRY!"

That's great....