Friday, July 24, 2009

Tony Horton I Hate You... And Your P90X Too

So... today should mark 12 weeks of P90X, one more week and the program will be finished.


Not really.

(I won't necessarily call it a failure... because I try to keep ugly words out of my vocabulary... but a success it is not.)

I can't say that my attendance has been perfect... If this were a college course, I would think I would have a very low C, and only because I won't give myself anything lower.

So last week... I decided to do some extra credit to make up for my delinquency.

One of the programs you can do is doubles, you do cardio in the morning and then whatever the heck other video you are supposed to do, in the afternoon. Naturally, I made it through Monday, and then decided that was an awful idea... but I had good intentions.

(Laying in bed, Monday night...)

Me: I did doubles today. (In my proud, smirky, I totally rock voice.)
Lee: Oh yeah.
Me: Yeah! Are you getting up early in the morning to work out?
Lee: Yeah... I guess. It's just so hard, I feel like we've been doing this forever.
Me: Oh yeah... day 2.
Lee: Day 2?! Yeah right!
Me: Yes. Day 2. You haven't worked out consistently since May.
Lee: Liar!
Me: Seriously, I know I haven't worked out since Hassan was here, and you haven't worked out since way before then.
Lee: You're a liar. I may not have done it every day, but I worked out in June.
Me: Whatever.
Lee: No whatever... get away from me... go back to your side of the bed. Go back to Liar-ville.
Me: Liar-ville? Wow....
Lee: Yeah, Liar-ville. Go back to Liar-ville and lie yourself to sleep.
Me: Lie yourself to sleep? You know I'm writing about this right?
Lee: That figures.

Sometimes I wish I could just record everything he says... you wouldn't believe half of it.

So I may not have lost a bunch of weight, or have a body like Britney Spears... (Yes. I said Britney Spears... according to OK! Magazine she is the Best Body in Hollywood in 2009... not that OK! Magazine is a good source to consider for anything... but whatever. If she can spit out 2 kids, go crazy, and then win a best body award... I figure anyone can. Here's the link if you're interested: Brit's Hot Bod.) ... but I do feel my days of P90X weren't a complete waste of my time.

Things I've Gotten Out of P90X

1. The ability to do push-ups. Yes. I know it's shocking, but there is actually an "up" in my push-ups now. In fact, there are about 10-15 "ups" before my arms give out and I hit the floor face first. And I didn't even break my wrist trying... Mom.

2. A little bit of a booty! I've been a long time sufferer of the flat ass disease. I'm not a full fledged member of the "junk in the trunk" committee... but I'm working on it.

3. Also, I can walk up and down the stairs and my legs aren't sore the next day. In fact, after a couple weeks of workouts my legs didn't even get sore after a million in a half lunges... The downside? There goes another one of my work out excuses... "I can't workout everyday. Who wants to lead a life of perpetual soreness?"

4. Tony Horton has lived up to my expectations; he is still as irritating as ever. You really never have a second chance to make a first impression....

(In one of my business classes, my professor told me that you have 17 seconds before people start forming an opinion about you... I think it's less than that. Probably because I'm judgmental... either way.. once I size you up, chances are you won't change my mind about you... unless I think you are even dumber than when we first met. This is probably why the list of people I actually like is quite short. Those of you who are the lucky few... congratulations :p )

From the first day, when I heard the words, "Do your best... and forget the rest!" it's been hard for me to keep on pressing play.

5. No exercise program can compete with my love of food. You know I actually make deals with myself about food...

"Ok... you made lasagna on Monday... and you promised yourself you would start eating better after that, but what about all those left-overs? Maybe you should wait until they're gone, and then you can start eating better. The filipino people would never waste food..."

Am I out of my freakin' mind?! I don't even like left-overs!

Moral of the story... my calorie intake will invariably trump my exercise routine, anorexia is always my best bet.

In conclusion, I'm not going to quit my P90X lifestyle. After this 90 days, I have decided to continue the torture... only I'm going to change it up a little bit, and do things my way. Surprised?