Sunday, May 17, 2009

My List for Lina

Things that are broken...

1. Waterfall #1- The hose won't stay in the pump without being held by electrical tape. But could be worse... could be like Waterfall # 2.

2. Waterfall #2- Hole in the tank. Leads to wet living room floors and a mini melt down.

3. Toilet - Temperamental. Only flushes when it feels like it.

4. Bathtub - No hot water. Leads to a very grouchy Keely.

Things they tried to fix but are still broken...

1. Shower in Master Bathroom - So... do you remember how my shower has no hot water? Well, last week I still hadn't convinced Lina that the shower was not on a delay so you don't scald yourself with hot water, because if it was, it was an indefinite delay, because the DAMN THING NEVER COMES ON! It even started leaking one day. So she said she would send someone over. When he gets to the house, I realize he is the same man that fixed my leaking sink, fixed the leak in the ceiling, cuts the grass and cleans the pool. Apparently he is also a shower specialist. I show him where it is leaking, and since he doesn't speak a lick of english, he nods, smiles and begins to caulk the entire shower. When I show him again, that it is coming from the hot water box and not the floor, he nods, smiles, and continues to caulk. Oh whatever!

After Mr. Fix it leaves, Lina comes back over. I show her that the reason the shower box isn't working might have something to do with the fact that the electrical wires are tapes together. Maybe there's a short or something. But of course not, it's supposed to be like that... right....

So, a couple days later... when our shower started gushing water at 4 in the morning I had no problem giving her a call.

Lee wakes up around 4 to start his work out. He flushed the toilet in the bathroom, and the shower immediately starting pouring water from the hot water box. Half a sleep I could hear the shower running in the bathroom, I looked at the clock... it was 4 in the morning. Doesn't he know it's only 4? He got up to work out... he doesn't have to get ready for work yet....

Lee busts out of the bathroom and flicks on the bedroom light.

Me: "Heeeyyyy.... rude...."
Lee: "Call Lina! There is water gushing out of the shower!"

Lee runs out of the bedroom, and out the front door in nothing but his panties. The whole time thinking, what if I can't turn off the water? What if it's not like the states, with the knob out by the street? It is probably some ass backwards way....

Luckily, it is the only thing similar to back home. He found the knob and was able to turn off the water.

This time Lina listened. She said she would send over a plumber immediately. Immediately ended up being 3 hours later... but who's counting. (The water was still off... and I only had to pee for the past 3 hours, so I was counting.)

Lina and the "plumbers" (They were definitely not plumbers...) showed up around 7. Turns out it wasn't the plumbers problem. Because it was the hot water box.... like I said from the beginning... they needed an electrician to come out to fix the problem.

The "electricians" (And by electricians I mean... 2 young kids that work at the mall. But hey they work at Ace Hardware... ) told Lina we needed a whole new box because it had overheated which caused the short in the system. Which is ironically what we had told her before. But hey, we don't work at Ace... we don't have those kinds of credentials... what do we know? They told her the current box was very dangerous, it could have caused a fire or electrocuted us. Fantastic.

So we are getting a new box. It was supposed to be here last Tuesday... Lee sent her a "where the hell is our heater" text on Friday, she said it would be installed today, Monday. I got this text this morning.

"Gud am keely im so sori 4 nw they man jst called nd said that he cnt fxd it now 4 a very important thng to do nw 2moro is hs day off at d mall. so he had enaf tym to do it. sori agn nd hope u wl 4gv us."

Keep in mind that this is the clearest text message I have ever received from her. Most of them we pass around and see who can understand what she is saying. After one crazy message we got, Lee said, "Gah. I can't understand anything this woman says. You would think they charged by the letter."

So hopefully tomorrow I'll have hot water.

Things we asked the landlord to provide for us.

1. 2 Fans - We needed 2 fans for the house because 2 of the rooms didn't have them. The TV room and kitchen, both rooms we use quite a bit.

2. A TV for the bar - There was a big whole there with a TV stand attached to the wall. We wanted a small TV about 20" to go in that space.

3. An oven - When we were looking at the house I asked if there was an oven. They pointed to a small toaster oven, which was large enough to fit one piece of bread. When I said that wasn't going to work, they told me they would bring me a full size stove/oven. Awesome.

4. Towels - A set for each bathroom preferably. And hand towels for the kitchen.

5. Twin Sheets - A flat sheet and 2 pillow cases does not make a complete set of sheets. It is not complete until you have a flat sheet. The beds upstairs didn't have flat sheets. Our bed didn't either, but I brought my own from home.

6. Butter knives - I was tired of buttering my toast with a steak knife.

We asked for 6 Things... The houses are supposed to come completely furnished. You come with your clothes, and that's all you should need...

We didn't ask for the pots or pans they were supposed to supply for us. (Luckily we packed our own.) We didn't mention that there were no cleaning supplies, or a number of other things we were missing. We didn't bring up the fact that the microwave is impossible to operate and that the lowest amount of time you can set it for is 2 minutes. We didn't make them remove anything hideous from the house, I just took the things I couldn't stand looking at and moved them to an upstairs closet. I didn't even protest when I asked about the safe, that was supposed to come standard in every house, and the landlord said, "Oh well you could lock it in this drawer." Yes. A drawer because they couldn't just bash that in, or pick up the dresser and take the whole damn thing. Stupid woman.

Out of those 6 things... this is what we received -

1. One Fan- Not 2 fans, but 1 fan. And not a normal fan that stands upright and operates at a useful level. But a table fan. The same table fan that had an epileptic seizure, tried to kill me, and then committed suicide by jumping off the table. That fan.

2. The TV for the Bar - They brought us a TV. Amazing. But the TV is in japanese. The shows are in english, but you can't change back and forth from DVD/TV/Cable/Any other box we would want to hook up to the TV because we can't read or understand anything on the screen.

3. The oven - They brought the oven. They even set it up for me and hooked up the gas. Delightful. The next day, I went out to bake some banana bread... but there were no racks. No racks in the oven. You can't bake bread without a rack. I told Lina. She told me that they lost the rack, but that they would have a rack made for me. They made me a rack. Fantastic. I went to put the rack in the oven, and it is about half an inch too big. It doesn't fit. The smart thing would be to measure the oven you were making a rack for, before you make the rack... but that would just be too logical. Still no oven rack.

4. Towels - They brought be 2 full size towels. One blue, and one pink. Gross. So I went out and bought some extra towels. I'm not sure yet, but I think Lee refuses to use the pink towel. Any time it's on top, he grabs one of the towels below it. Hmmm. They did bring me a few kitchen towels. I guess I can consider that a victory.

5. Twin Sheets - Nope. But I did get a package of exceptionally hideous Queen Sheets. They are still in the package.

6. Butter Knives - She didn't even bother. But by this point I didn't care, she would have probably brought me spoons anyway.

So as you can see Lina has quite a lot on her plate. At this point I don't care about the things we don't have, I just want the things that we do have fixed. If they would just do things right the first time instead of trying to cut corners and get by without having to spend a dime then they wouldn't be in this situation. I'll let you know if I have to resuscitate her when she gets my laundry list of things to do. :)